Episode Transcript
Podcast 6 Communication and the Cognitive Biases-Confirmation Bias and Disconfirmation Bias.
Hey and Hi. Welcome back. I am glad you took the time to join me, and thank you. So my friends let us venture into the rabbit hole of communication.
Communication has many facets. And these facets have their unique dimensions. Body language, tone, and words are the main points regarding communication with human interaction.
The abovementioned observations sound simple enough, but beware, there are intermediate influences. We will call these lenses.
Everyone has them. These lenses come from biases, interpretations, and mental, emotional, and physical additives.
We have all experienced saying something to someone, and the response has nothing to do with what we said. And the more you try to clear things up, the worse it becomes.
Often the situation spirals out of control, or someone leaves in disgust.
The perceived antagonistic conversation is often due partly to confirmation bias and disconfirmation bias.
Confirmation bias and disconfirmation bias are two cognitive biases that can significantly impact our lives. Confirmation bias is the tendency to look for or interpret information in a way that confirms one's pre-existing beliefs. On the other hand, disconfirmation bias is when we reject evidence that does not match what we already believe. These two biases can lead us to make decisions based on incomplete or inaccurate information, harming our success and well-being. For example, if you have an existing belief about yourself (e.g., "I am bad at math"), you may look for evidence of this belief while ignoring any contrary evidence (such as good grades in math class). Discarding facts could lead you to avoid taking challenging classes or even giving up altogether instead of striving to improve your skills and knowledge in this subject area. The good news is that these two cognitive biases don't have to dictate our life outcomes!
When adopting a growth mindset—"(the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and practice—,)" we can combat confirmation and disconfirmation bias by looking objectively at all available data before making decisions about ourselves or others.
With a growth mindset, we become more open-minded toward new ideas, better able to learn from mistakes without feeling like failures, more willing to take risks with less fear of failure, and ultimately better equipped for personal growth overall!
Recognizing confirmation and disconfirmation biases are essential steps toward developing a healthier relationship with ourselves and those around us. Adopting a growth mindset allows us to challenge these cognitive biases so we no longer let them limit our potential success!
We would ask ourselves the "why's," instead of accepting all information and actions on autopilot. Just because a person or people have said and done the same thing for an extended amount of time does not make it correct.
For instance, people have used the Father Christmas myth for many years. But very few people believe a guy in a red suit flies around by magical reindeer while delivering gifts down chimneys.
We must consider what we say through our lenses. And watch for signs of reaction from a person listening through their lenses. If people start moving about or clenching their lips, they get frustrated with what we are saying. If a person folds their arms or holds their body, they are defensive.
If you want to maintain a comfortable conversation, change the subject.
And, of course, if they punch you in the nose, you have crossed a line.
Also, remember your listening lenses. And stay aware of your mental state. Are you tired, hungry, or already upset? I promise this will change how you listen. Have you ever thought about a conversation after you had it and wondered what I was thinking?
Or, I should have said something else. Is this way too much to think about? That is because you haven't done it before. But you will know it was worth the effort when your spouse, girlfriend, friend, or family member suddenly doesn't mind talking to you.
And you may end up with something special as an unexpected reward.
I remember a girlfriend of mine. We already had a good sex life. But once, we talked about random stuff for an hour or so before bed. And let me tell you, good turned into terrific. Lol.
I am not guaranteeing anything, but what do you have to lose? As mentioned earlier, learning these skills leads us to one of the most essential things you will ever learn.
No, sorry, it is not making gold out of bricks. But still very useful.
The Art of Communication. Oh, I'm sorry, not earth-shattering enough.
Please bear with me. Value is placed on a person by another person if there is sincere communication.
If you want to be valued, appreciated, and Loved. Authentic communication is a must.
Commitment, respect, and honesty are some of the things that are lost once communication is gone.
Empathy is the most helpful tool in the communication toolbox. It cannot be conditional empathy must be used 100% of the time.
Empathy means first to understand and then to be understood. If you won't respect someone else's thoughts and feelings, why should they respect yours?
Unfortunately, many people listen at this level one.
Level one listening doesn't listen. A word or phrase triggers the person and is waiting to hijack the conversation. The listener has thoughts, distractions, and stories running in their heads.
And are waiting to take over the conversation or finish your sentence so you can shut up.
Level Two is better, but it could be better. Level Two listening uses engagement, with no distractions, and waits for the conversation to end before speaking.
Level three is where the magic is because you also engage empathy. You become the speaker and visualize their story. There are no distractions, judgment, or interpretation. You are simply listening.
Information means very little in a conversation if the people involved think they need to be understood.
The next time you are talking with someone, put your phone away. Focus on the person. Listen to every word. Wait until the speaker finishes speaking. You can use small words or noises of engagement like Hmm, really, wow, or okay.
Remember, perfect practice makes perfect.
Well, my friends, I hope you use these practices to improve your relationships and life quality.
We all no know that it takes two to create a great relationship. And just because you are doing what it takes doesn't guarantee the other person will.
Our next Podcast will cover Relationships. How do you pick them, keep them, and run from them?
And as always:
Please remember to Love Yourself. You are Not Alone. You are relevant and worthy.
How About that?
