Episode Transcript
Why do past situations have such a lasting impact on us? It's a shared human experience, not a solitary struggle.
Just as no one dies from a snake bite, it's the venom. This is not a lesson on venomous reptiles, but a testament to our resilience and capacity for growth. We can emerge stronger and wiser from life's unpleasant situations.
When a poisonous snake bites you, aka a distasteful situation in life, it's uncomfortable, not deadly.
The venom, also known as residual thoughts, becomes the problem. There are many forms of PTSD. Although this term was initially used to describe traumatized soldiers returning from war, it now refers to the residual effects of something that has passed.
When lingering thoughts of something past remain, we relive the moments and feelings from the past in the present. Unfortunately, this is like trying to drive a car while looking through the rearview mirror.
Each of us sees life through our own unique lens. Some perspectives are constructive, while others can be destructive. It's important to remember that the ability to recognize and utilize both types of perspectives is not a reflection of our character, but a part of being human. This self-awareness is a powerful tool that can empower us to take control of our lives.
We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we deal with what happens to us. A positive response, such as seeking support, learning from the experience, or practicing self-care, is not just a theoretical concept. It's a beacon of hope that can guide us through even the most challenging times. On the other hand, a negative response, like self-blame, avoidance, or destructive behaviors, can often make the situation worse.
Our brains have a natural response to stress, danger, and panic. However, there is a difference between moving out of the way of an oncoming car, a clear and immediate threat, and a rude coworker. This situation may be uncomfortable, but it is not life-threatening. Understanding this difference can help us manage our reactions more effectively.
Baggage is the venom from the past. We have all experienced situations where we think, "I am never going to go through that again." Sometimes we form barriers or rules to protect ourselves.
We may be hurt from a previous relationship. From that relationship, we may decide never to let anyone get that close to us again. However, this thinking would only help as long as we deal with people who cannot be trusted. However, what happens if you apply this rule when you meet someone whom you can trust?
Sometimes our initial response may be a destructive spur-of-the-moment action. But if we remain in the feelings of that first response, we may still make a rash decision.
For instance, a child is bullied at school. The thoughts linger from each previous bullying incident. The thoughts are repeated during the absence of the bullying. Sooner or later, they may feel like violence towards themselves or extreme violence towards others makes sense.
Our minds naturally repeat the same thoughts approximately 80% of the time each day. And 85% of those thoughts are negative. It's like being in a room full of people, and 85% of them are saying something horrible about you. Obviously, this is no fun. And will eventually have an adverse effect.
Again, we cannot control the distasteful people in our lives, but we may be able to reframe the event.
In life, with clients, and with myself, I have come to realize that there is only one real path to significant and lasting change.
That path starts with the 'aha' moment. The 'aha' moment is when we experience total, previously unrealized clarity. I remember lots of these moments. Some related to my behavior, such as when I realized I was repeating destructive patterns in my relationships, and others, like when a friend's advice suddenly made perfect sense.
It is essential not to beat ourselves up or remain at the "aha" stage.
The next step is self-realization. Why ask why? We are called to accept the "It ust is."
We can confuse and confound ourselves trying to figure out the "why's" of another person, or ourselves. And so much of our programming and patterns come from our childhood. Giving ourselves an in-depth analysis every time something happens would add to the stress.
It's much easier to be realistic, without bias, be honest with ourselves, and move on.
The third stage is 'the way forward.' This is where we must construct the way forward from the 'aha' moment and the self-realization. It's about creating a plan that addresses the issues we've identified, setting achievable goals, and taking steps to move forward. Otherwise, the plan will never address the issues.
The next stage is commitment. An unused plan is just as ineffective as having no plan at all. Both will fail. We are already programmed to repeat what we have always done. And what we have always done, we realize doesn't work and must be modified.
The next stage is the glue. The power of 'no.' Without the ability to say 'no,' to return to the past reactions and actions, we gain nothing. It's about setting boundaries, refusing to engage in destructive behaviors, and saying 'no' to anything that doesn't align with our growth and happiness.
Journaling or recording our daily actions and thoughts can help us connect the dots.
Our honest words, whether written or recorded, can help us understand ourselves and provide information that aids our personal growth.
From these truthful pieces of real-time information, we can construct SMART plans.
Smart planning refers to the SMART goals framework, an acronym for goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.
We want to lose weight or eat healthily. However, to be effective, I will lose 10 pounds in three months for my health, or because I'm going on vacation to a beach.
This format applies to all instances.
By using this strategy, we can train our minds not to focus on the past and things we cannot change. Then we can formulate plans to improve our lives. We don't need to focus on the "why's," because we are working on positive solutions that will not just stop the immediate pain. And give us a life where we are happy to live and thrive.
The "bite" from life becomes nothing but momentary discomfort. And we never let "the venom" cause us to suffer its toxic effects.
We can improve our lives; we need to believe, plan constructively, and stick to the plan. Yes, our plan may be modified, but our goal of happiness and fulfillment remains unchanged. This potential for growth and change is what should inspire and motivate us to keep moving forward.
There is never a bad time for more happiness and fulfillment.
Well, my friends, I hope you can find guidance with this information.
Peace, blessings, and guidance to all. Until next time, take care and stay aware.
How about that?
